Things I ponder

* When I get upset I have learned but don't always follow the wisdom of 10. Count to ten, walk away for 10 minutes. Don't respond for 10 minutes to an email. And the more irritated I am by a situation the more 10's I might need to take. A simple 10 minute walk may not be long enough and I need to take another 10. Maybe I need 10 sips of my coffee. Or maybe I need to read 10 pages of my book. It doesn't matter what I do for 10, just that I do it. The consequences of not following the 10 varies but one thing doesn't, the regret that I have over not taking a 10.

At work I try very hard to be aware of taking a 10. Today, unfortunately "A" walked into the batcave while I was taking my 10. So I sort of voiced what I was trying to work out in my head. She actually helped but I think she learned more about my co-workers messed up personal life than she wanted to. So, no regrets as far as the co-worker is concerned. I managed to not jump over the cube wall and kill her. But I regret that I vented on "A".

*I'm reading a book called "Electric Michelangelo" which is about a tattoo artist in the 20's. It's a little slow but I am enjoying it. Of course I've been reading it longer than normal because I read a PJ Tracy somewhere between page 75 and 135. But now I am focused only on this book. There are a few beautiful lines in this book:

"There were times when initial introductions were so vested with something other as to confuse and distract and entrance both parties........ And only further into relationships when you knew the person better, and their place in your life became clear, if there was love, if there was hate, if there was deepness of any kind, only then did you understand that the embers of meaning had been present all along and glowing since that first moment you laid eyes on them. As if you already knew them before you came to know them. As if some rift had bent time. "

I liked this because it describes very well those times when you meet someone and your life is changed somehow. And you realize that the person had a different glow, a different aura about them all along.

And this one also made me smile:

How Rembrandt painted his portrait face from adolescence into death and wasn't afraid to show just what an ugly bugger he had been, because ugly was simply beauty in a place across the river.

So true. I love the reminder that "beauty is different just across the river." And though some of us have those days when we look in the mirror and we just want to cry we have to remember that we are beautiful, in the eyes of our spouse, our family, our friends, our children. And we have to remember that what Vogue considers beautiful or what People considers beautiful is fleeting and good for only about 15 minutes.

And lastly this one about tattoo's and the work that the artist does:

He saw through to the core of what he was doing, how he bestowed uncompromising communication upon the world, how he brought forth self. How he translated experience and identity into colour and shape. How he caught the echo of a person and engraved it on to them. How he functioned as the artistic hands of others, redundant in choosing subject maybe yet imperative in its delivery. That was the strange and impossible core of it.

The tattoos I have chosen and the one I have yet to have done are all deeply personal to me. They are part of me brought to life in shape and color and idea. I spent years trying to decide what I wanted. And each choice has come down to something about myself. Or something that acts as a reminder that I am strong and that I can and have overcome. I chose a jack rabbit to remind myself to be aware. To be alert to what life throws at me. He is my protector, always alert, always looking, listening, and prepared. I chose a fairy with daisies, because they are two things that I love. Daisies symbolize happiness to me. And a fairy symbolizes a life of curiosity, of lightness, of taking flight. I see them as strong, forever positive, forever exploring. And finally the Phoenix that I will get this coming spring. It will go over a scar on my leg from 3rd degree burns that required grafts. For me it will symbolize the strength I have found in myself when my life seemed dark. Maybe after the Phoenix there will be more but it's the last of my life symbols if you will.

*Another thing I think about or day dream about is living in a foreign country. I would pack up and leave tomorrow if the opportunity presented itself. More than anything if I could I would head off to England. Not sure why. Maybe I have watched too much Midsomer. But it's a pull that seems to get a little stronger as time goes by. The hubster and I have talked about retiring over seas. And I think more and more that it will be a reality. There is so much out there to experience.

*I'm watching Casablanca as I write this. I have never watched this from start to finish before. I really need to though. I like what I have seen so far.