Avoiding the heart

I've had a movie sitting next to the tv for over a week. I think it's called movie denial. Or maybe the fear of feeling to much. Getting too emotional. Or maybe too reflective about our lives. But something told me that the movie was going to effect me in ways I wasn't in the mood to deal with.

Damn I hate it when I'm right.

Five minutes into the movie the tears started and they haven't finished even though the movie is out of the player and back in the red envelope for the mail.

And that is the amazing power of movies, books, music. When they make us feel something. When they open up wounds, or dig into our hearts and find our hidden desires. Or when they make us face our greatest fears.

We can get so wrapped up in our daily lives that we forget to take time out to explore what makes us human. Let our emotions out. Set free our dreams, fantasy's and wishes.

So here are some of the movies I watch for mood. Be it to make me happy, to make me dream, to make me laugh, or to make me cry.

While You Were Sleeping

Love Actually

Notting Hill

Bridget Jones

Pirates of the Caribbean

Men In Black

Lara Croft

Resident Evil

13th Warrior

The Ref

Someone Like You

Practical Magic

2 Weeks Notice

Italian Job

Eastern Promises

Dead Like Me

and now, my newest:

PS I Love You (This is the movie talked about above)

So what are your mood movies?

Put on those BLue Suede Shoes and Listen for a change

So, be honest now, how many of you have had this kind of conversation?

Airport Security: "Oh, California eh? Nice to get out of the cold for a while.."

Newt: "It sure will be."

Airport Security: "Ok, well, you just need to keep out your boarding pass for the security line you can put your license away. Have a great flight."

Newt: "Yeah, you too."

I have become SO lazy in my listening skills. In my courtesy skills. And in putting some thought into what comes out of my mouth.

I hang my head in shame.

It's not a hard thing to do. Just slow down a bit. Actually listen. And actually put some thought into what we will say next.

Why don't I listen? I mean REALLY listen?

So, that folks is my new goal. I'm going to work on my listening skills. And I'm going to take an extra split second or three to formulate a truly polite and truly sincere courtesy response.

Cause right now, I'm a slacker and it's gotta stop.

***

OH OH OH - on a totally different topic.

We brought the girls home last night that will be staying with us. They walked into the house and got through the ENTIRE night without Caleb or Lily fear barking.

AND THEN - when their mom came to get them this morning there was complete silence in my house. Kelley actually got in the door. And even got to pet Lily. And not one peep, not one bark.

I can't begin to tell you how good that made me feel.

Puppies are making progress. Big progress. I was so proud of them I could've burst.

Setting the example

I overheard a fascinating conversation today on the bus.

3 high school boys were talking about smoking. Cigarettes and other things. They talked about pot and where and what versions of it is legal.

One of the boys asked his friends if he still looked like he was on something.

They told him, yes, a little.

But that wasn't the interesting part.

The interesting portion of the conversation was about their parents smoking. And how they justify it because its legal and an "adult thing". And that the kids shouldn't smoke because it's bad for their health.

The kids were talking about how it's not justified just because they were adults. That they were killing themselves at the same rate as the kids were. And that legal or not, it was not good for either of them.

I found their discussion about their parents habits fascinating.

What we do as adults really does matter. And the example we set for the next generation is very important.

So, in a day and age when image is everything. When entire motivational drives are based on keeping up appearances. Where money is everything. And accountability is nothing. Where adults refuse to take responsibility for their actions, or their kids actions for that matter. Where the world revolves completely and selfishly around them. And so many people are strictly looking out for themselves. It's a little scary to think that this is the example we set for the future generations.

What are we setting these kids up for?

I know what I am saying is no great revelation. But I guess I've never heard it out of the mouth of babes.

"Mom, Dad, you're setting a shitty example for me."

I'm not saying that kids shouldn't be held accountable for their actions and choices. I'm not saying that they could choose all on their own to smoke or not to smoke. I am not in any way saying that they shouldn't have some level of responsibility.

I guess, honestly what this entire post is about, is that what we do matters. And what we do does set an example and have an effect on the younger generations.

And I wish we took that responsibility a little more seriously as a society.

Lil Ol Lady with moxie

Her Majesty came to the states and I just have to say, she is adorable. And even me the ungirly girl gets all giddy and blushing at the thought of a real queen in our country. It's so traditional, so Renaissance, so princess and the pea. Just so cool. With a dignity and charm no American has EVER been able to achieve. Sure they have their ghosts to hide, their eccentricities, their politics. But the bottom line is they have something we will never have. And I'm not sure we could ever have it. The American spirit has never focused on tradition and dignity. We have focused on taming the wild and doing the impossible. And that's great, don't get me wrong. But I don't think we can ever be what I would call dignified.

We are too obsessed with being on whatever bandwagon happens to currently stand in the 15 minute spot light.

I once read that Paris Hilton thought she was the closest thing we have in this country to royalty. Oh yeah, I SO want that to represent the best we can do for royalty.

I can't even think of one person that I would classify as being close. Can you?

My goal as I grow older:

Have a style all my own

Not blend

Leave people a little confused

But also delighted

Not be crabby

But be eccentric

Have a little dog with a bow in her hair

And a purse with a big flower on it

And maybe a matching hat

And great shoes

I want people to wish I was their grandma

And the guy at the local market to know my name

And when I die

For people to say that I enjoyed life

And surely seemed to get a kick out of everything

Here's to you Queen Elizabeth. You adorably royally you..............

Coffee thought

I went over to my *gasp* favorite coffee shop near work which yes, happens to be Starbucks. You know I struggle with this, but dang it, they really are the only ones with a reliable cup of coffee near here.

I curled up in a chair with my book and a mocha and found myself 2 pages later not having a clue what I had just read. This would be because a million thoughts were running through my head.

This absolutely adorable young couple were having coffee together and the chemistry between them was electric. They were sitting at a small table facing each other and while they talked they leaned in close. They only had eyes for each other. She was an absolutely gorgeous young woman. The kind of girl that wakes up perfect. No makeup, hair tossed casually up into a bun. And simply stunning. Not to mention that you could tell just from her smile that she was a sweet and genuine person.

Two friends of hers walked into the shop and they greeted each other warmly. Not the high pitched annoying girly greeting but rather just a sweet and honest warmth. One of the girls asked the little beauty if she would be doing a solo and the little beauty replied that she hadn’t been asked yet but she was hoping to. I have no idea what sort of solo, be it singing or musical, or dance but I could totally imagine her captivating an audience.

Her two friends, one was very tall, very elegant, and poised. The other was a tiny little thing with long hair and a sweet smile. She was a dancer I found out during their conversation.

I’m not sure why this little interaction struck me like it did. But one of the things I realized was that this was their time. They were the future. All the bright and beautiful possibilities of this world. They were the ones making things happen. Bringing change. Moving the planet forward.

And I started to feel my age. I never really have before. I kind of think of myself as always around 30. It’s not that I am even that much older. But I realized that my life has settled down. My life has pretty much found it’s course. I have a family, a mortgage, two cars, and a yard I take care of. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I wouldn’t change a thing. But my “time”, my possibilities, my bright star has found it’s place. It’s no longer shooting brilliantly across the sky.
I know you make life what you want it so I still have brialliance and possibilities, but it's not quite the same, not quite so pure and so unhindered.

These four people, their stars were blindingly brilliant. They were moving, and they were shaping what the world will become. I wish them well.

Through a Glass Darkly

I've always loved that: "Through a glass darkly" I'm not sure why. I read a book by that title and I've noticed it used in novels as an expression. Like this one from a Laurell K. Hamilton book:

•I guess I don’t entirely trust God. I never doubt him, but his motives are too beyond me. Through a glass darkly and all that. Just once I’d like to see through the damn glass clearly.

Sometimes it does feel like life is seen "through a glass darkly". Where for no particular reason there is uncertainty, a strong sense of the unknown. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. But some times its as if I am seeing my life from outside myself. An observer. And it all seems very strange and disconnected.

I'm really hoping at this point someone out there says "Yeah, I know that feeling" even if you haven't - lie to me :-)

It's as if I have lost a sense of focus. Not in a bad, depressed, crying all the time sort of way. I don't really know how to describe it. I just feel disconnected. And the days seem to melt into one another.

Perhaps it is the quiet routine of life. Perhaps it is lack of sunshine and fresh air. Maybe this bear is ready to come out of hibernation and is feeling restless. Maybe I'm just done with winter and I want all the life and light that spring will bring.

Perhaps, I need to clean the windows of my house and then they won't seem so....darkly

Newt Ponders

Since seeing/posting/thinking about Shane Parsons I have begun to understand some points of view that previously I gave the same credit I give Oprah, Dr. Phil and Pat Robertson – that would be none – zero- zip – nada.

I am 100% opposed to the Iraq war – or as I prefer to call it, Commander Coo Coo Bananas own private little vendetta and handout to his business buddies.

But by saying and believing that I realized that it belittles the fact that Shane lost his legs, and that 3,000 soldiers died. And if I had to express my feelings to his face I don’t think I could. And maybe that was why I couldn’t go talk to him. I wasn’t ashamed for my beliefs but I am ashamed at what Bush has gotten us into.

I don’t want to take away or tarnish the beliefs that Shane holds. Or the widows or the children who no longer have one of their parents.

If I was a soldier I would have to believe that there was a reason for what I was doing. And for me to say that the war is senseless makes me think back to Vietnam. And how horribly our soldiers were treated when they came home.

I know that it’s different. Completely different. And that there isn’t a person out there that doesn’t support the men and women of our military. No matter how they feel about the war they will always support the soldiers.

But how do you look them in the eye when you truly believe that they died or were injured for no real reason? I truly believe that this war has nothing to do with terrorism or making us safe.

There are people out there, and the whitehouse has poured out the propaganda, saying that if you aren’t for the war you are for the terrorists – period. And you absolutely can’t truly support the troops.

In a round about way I understand how some think if you oppose the war you don’t support the troops. But then I realized that they say that because they can’t wipe the blood from their hands. And this is how they cope with it. Given how much money those in power have gained from this war I’m sure they sleep quite well in their trillion dollar mansions. And they sit fat and happy in their towers of power. And somehow they justify the blood on their hands. I can’t fathom how but they do. They lie to themselves almost as much as they lie to the American people. And to our soldiers for that matter.

But the bottom line is, I don’t think I could look Shane in the face and tell him I don’t support this war. And that makes me think that those bastards are a little bit right. If I can’t look him in the eye how can I support him?

And that, my dear friends, is tearing me up inside.

Thought for the night

Tonight I reached for Caleb and he turned his head toward me. I put my hand on his soft downy fur and he leaned his head into my hand. There was so much heat in his body. The vital and telling sign of life. My sweet little boy. Warm, soft. And loving.

It's why we like to touch. Our loved ones. Our friends. To feel that heat. That life.

I wish you heat my friends.

Einstein's Theory

Albert Einstein said: “ Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”

I was thinking about this quote last night when I was doing dishes. I looked at the mess in the kitchen and I looked at the clock. It was 8:45. And so I resigned myself to having to do some clean up. But I decided that I would only clean up as much as I could till 9. Then I would stop and actually try to relax a little. Well dang if I didn’t get EVERYTHING cleaned up in those 15 minutes. But my god did it seem like HOURS. So off I grumbled into the living room. See, in the morning I have two cups of coffee. The first one at about 6:30. I read my book, drink my coffee and keep an eye on the puppies. Then about 6:45 I get up, pour a second cup and sit back down to read a little. Knowing that at 7 I need to hop in the shower. That 15 minutes goes by so fast I don’t get to finish my coffee or get more than a sentence or two through my book. It’s certainly a VERY fast 15 minutes before I have to really start my day.

Sigh……………………

So anyway, this led to more thinking – always a scary thing. What else in life fits Einstein’s quote?

Short 15
Time it takes to get to freeway exit when we don’t need to get off
Long 15
Time it takes to get to same freeway exit when we need to get off and use the restroom

Short 15:
Time we wait in line when we are out for a leisurely shopping day
Long 15
Time we wait in line when we need to get tickets to a movie that is starting soon

Short 15:
Time it takes to walk to the bus stop on a beautiful spring day
Long 15
Time it takes to walk to the bus stop when it’s 15 below.

Short 15
Time it takes to get my cup of coffee at Starbucks at 3 in the afternoon
Long 15
Time it takes to get my cup of coffee at Starbucks at 6:15 in the morning

Short 15
Time it takes to get through lunch with friends
Long 15
Time it takes to get through a lunch meeting

Short 15
Time it takes to get to work
Long 15
Time it takes to get to Disneyland

Short 15
Time it takes for the casserole to cook when I’m not hungry
Long 15
Time it takes for the same casserole to cook when I’m famished

Short 15
Time it takes to get my hair cut
Long 15
Time it takes to get my teeth cleaned

Short 15
Time it takes to get a call back from the car repair shop telling me how broken my car is
Long 15
Time it takes to get a call back from the doctor with test results

Short 15
Time it takes a child to nap
Long 15
Time it takes a child to stop screaming

Short 15
Time it takes for a vacation to be over
Long 15
Time it takes a loved one to come home from a business trip

And last but not least

Short 15
Time it takes to read everyone’s blog for the day
Long 15
Time it takes anxiously awaiting for someone to post.

Newt thoughts

A little nighttime Voyeurism

Last night as we were driving home I was looking out the car window and into the homes of the houses with their lights on and drapes open. I am fascinated by this.

When it’s dark out I find every home with soft lights glowing inside to be inviting. You don’t have the harsh reality of daylight but rather the soft and hidden secret of night. Add to that image the snow drifts and silence of winter and I get this overwhelming feeling of welcome, of home, safety, and warmth.

I marvel at light fixtures, furniture, pictures on the wall. What makes each home individual. What decorating taste a person has. How sparse or how cluttered. I find them all beautiful. I never once looked into a home and thought it was a dump. Or not cared for. Every home had something charming. Alluring.

I can’t remember once seeing a person in all that looking. Which probably added to the magic a little. The mystery. Who lives there. Are they happy? Young? Old? Do they have children? Are they making dinner? Watching tv? Knitting? Sewing? Carving? Are they talking to a loved one on the phone? Planning a trip? Making a cup of cocoa? The more I thought about it the more I realized that from the outside I could only imagine something wonderful, something relaxing, cozy, filled with love. I didn’t think about the fact that maybe someone’s marriage was ending. That maybe they were packing up the clothes of a spouse that had died. Or that they were looking at a photo of their child, a soldier, that was killed in the war.

From where I was looking life seemed perfect. I’m not even sure where I am going with this. It was just one of those thoughts on a quiet drive home.

And on a semi-related note:

One Safe Place
How many roads you’ve traveled
How many dreams you’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

Will you make a smoother landing
When you break your fall from grace
Into the arms of understanding
Looking for one safe place

Life is trial by fire
And love’s the sweetest taste
And I pray it lifts us higher
To one safe place

How many roads we’ve traveled
How many dreams we’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

So, this was the song on the little video clip I posted. It’s beautiful.

I guess I never thought about it all boiling down to “safe”

Safe in our marriage
Safe in our career
We want our children to be safe
Our pets
We want people to drive safely home
Fly safe
Travel and be safe.

When you boil it all down “safe” is a basic need. But it’s something I never really thought about before.
With the hubster, I feel safe. I feel like he loves me deeply and that there isn’t nor will there be another person.
And feeling safe in that love makes everything else in my life possible.

The other night when I came across that video I watched it mainly because it was a song I wasn’t familiar with by a musician I adored. Then when I watched the video montage that someone had put together of 24 it really struck a few chords. I think I was in tears by the time it was done. Not because it was 24. ( Though I must admit that Kiefer appears to be a most excellent kisser.) But rather because of what the song was saying.

My favorite moments in life have all centered around feeling incredibly loved and incredibly safe.

Safe in the arms of the hubster
Safe in my home with my kitty snuggled in my arms
When I watch my puppies sleep and I know that they finally feel safe.

So, I wish for you all One Safe Place………………..

Giving Thanks

I am thankful for:

Hubster - for being my best friend. For never ceasing to amaze me. For thinking the exact same thing I do at the exact same time. For letting me get Caleb and Lily. For telling me I'm his beautiful baby. For making me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Dad - For calling me because you are thinking of me. And for seeing me as a person that understands life the same way you do. And for saying so when you call. You share your day with me, your happiness and your troubles because you know I will understand. And sometimes you ask me for advice. I'm not just your little girl, I'm your friend. And I cherish that. I'm a very luck girl to have you as a dad.

Mom - for being endlessly giving and thoughtful. You inspire me to be a better person to others. For being more selfless.

Boy J and R - for being friends that feel right at home.

Heather - Thank you for continuing to be my creative muse.

Mike - for being a cherished friend for so many years. And for still being my friend even after I invade your home. For the movies you recommend. For your encouragement and support. I wouldn't know what to do without you.

Jay and Scott - for being the amazing and inspiring couple that you are. For taking in amazing animals and giving them a home. Scott thank you for your amazing photographs. They take my breath away, sometimes literally. And Jay, thank you for painting my happy place. I look at it every day. And every day it makes me smile.

Tink - for making me laugh every day. And for being the beautiful person that you are. For your amazing look on life. You are an inspiration.

Cynical Bastard - For your creativity. For your humorous look at all of life. Through you I also got to know your mom and your sister. Two amazing people.

Kell - Thank you for being the book buddy I always wanted to have. For your strength. And for the beautiful stories that you tell.

Betty - Thank You for your stories. You have a way of describing Americana like know one else. Your stories are vivid, full of sight and sound and smell. And I love every single one of them.

Chelle - for your beautiful look on life and how precious this earth is. For your love of animals. Your amazing photography. And for being the beautiful person that you are.

Graymama - for sharing your amazing little boy with us. And the love that you have in your life. For showing me just how amazing motherhood can be.

Susan - Thank you for your slice of life. I enjoy reading about your family. And you always put a smile on my face.

To many other bloggers - Thank You for sharing your life. Thank you for all the things you make me think about. All the ideas that I get from each of you. All of the splendid stories that you share.

To Sophie, Max, Caleb, Lily, Socs, Tink, Hobbes, Cassy, and little Max - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my house a home. And for making my time on this earth a life worth living.

I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving full of love. And pie..............

Sheltered

I've been reading a book called Monkey Hunting by Cristina Garcia. In the book she tells the story a Chinese man who left his home for a life in Cuba. He was lead to believe that he was going to Cuba on a "gilded" road that would lead to incredible riches only to find himself enslaved on a sugar plantation. The story covers about 100 years of his life and those of his descendants.

What struck me about this story, or I should say, what this story reminded me of is how incredibly sheltered and unbelievably fortunate I have been in my life.

I have never known hunger. I have never known the feel of a leather strap destroying the skin on my back. I have never had to sleep on a lice infested pallet. I have never been subjected to the hateful anger of a person that will punish me just for being alive. My feet were not bound to keep them small. Nor was I sold by my family when I was 5 so that they would be able to eat. My marriage was not arranged. I have never had to sell my body to survive. I have never had to go to war.

This is not the focus of the story by any means. It's more about the loves and lives that the main character and his subsequent generations experienced. But each generation seems to experience something that I have always been sheltered from.

Even when I look at the bad things in my life I also realize how incredibly lucky I was to be born in the time and place I was. I was born in a time of modern medicine in a modernized nation.

When I was younger I had burns on my ankle severe enough to require grafts. The injury could have been far more debilitating and maybe even deadly had I not been in a place with modern medicine.

Even more basic, I have required glasses since I was very young. Thankfully it was something that was easily fixed. But had I lived in another time, or in a less advanced civilization I may never have seen clearly my whole life. Even more, a few years ago I had Lasik surgery. Again, I am thankful for the technology, and for the job that allowed me to afford the surgery.

The fact that I am left handed. I come from a time when being a south paw was okay. Less than a generation before me a left handed child was looked upon as "defective" and in need of correction. My uncle spent his school years with his hand tied behind his back so that he had to learn to do everything "correctly".

How about my divorce? I live in a time when I am protected by laws. And I had family to help me through that horrible time. My ex couldn't "kill" me so that he could move on to his new twinkie. There was a time when a wife was property to be done with as the man pleased. Nor could he leave me empty handed and destitute. Laws protected me.

I have never had to see military tanks roll down my road. I have never had to fear bombings or air raids. I have never had to darken my house and hide in the basement. I have never been harassed by a soldier with a gun for being on the street.

I have also had the freedom to experience any and every religion available. I went to the Jewish Temple in broad day light. I didn't have to hide in someone's basement to practice my faith. I have been to a newborn Christian church in which people flailed on the ground and screamed in tongues. I have been to mass. I have been to a church that played their music with kazoos. Yes, you read that correctly, kazoos. I could go to a Muslim mosque tonight if I wanted to. Or to a Buddha temple if I so pleased. I could dance to the light of the full moon, or celebrate the rights of spring. And most importantly, I was able to be married legally outside of a church. I didn't have to be married by "God" for my relationship to be accepted.

Speaking of marriage, before I was married I live in a time and culture that allows me to live with my significant other in "sin" There are no ramifications for our choice.

Nor do we have to restrict the sexual relationship that we have. Our love has no limits and no boundaries. We will not be arrested or even executed for any of the acts between us.

And as I look into the eyes of my puppies while they chew on their bones I realize how perfectly lucky I am. And how sheltered, and how blessed my life really has been.

Oh, and as my computer just went into hibernation and I thought I just lost this entire post. I guess I should also be thankful for the technology I can enjoy today AND for the fact that I have electricity.

Of Unicorns, white knights, and oceanographers

So when I was a little girl I believed in Unicorns. Or at least I wanted to. I also believed that life could be a fairy tale. That there were men who were chivalrous and gallant. And one day my white knight would come and sweep me off my feet. If he carried me off atop his white steed (Unicorn) all the better.

So, as we grow a little older we start to look at the world a little differently. And we start to realize that there are no white knights, no unicorns, and no castles.

Ok, so we adjust our dreams. We start to think about what we want to be when we grow up since apparently “Princess” isn’t truly an option.

So, at one point or another I aspired to be:
A zoologist
A teacher
A marine biologist
An oceanographer
A zoo keeper
A veterinarian
A prize winning National Geographic photographer
A physicist
An aeronautics expert
I was going to work for NASA
For the military
For the deep secret government.
I was going to travel the world
Maybe work for the UN
If nothing else I figured I’d have a walk up in Manhattan

So imagine my surprise when I found myself on Monday morning kneeling on a bathroom floor scrubbing tile. Hoping that our maintenance folks did a crappy enough job that the quality of the cleaning product would show. And then further add to my surprise when I was really disappointed that the floor was actually too clean.

Next picture me setting up a demo and having an entire bucket of sloppy yellow goo splashing up over the bucket and ALL over my jeans, my sweater, my arms, my shoes, the floor. I was a mess. But this didn’t phase me. I wiped myself down and went about my day.

So, by midafternoon I have dirty knees from crawling around on “clean” floors, I have yellowish streaks all over myself, and I have bruises on my leg from operating heavy machinery. And I was happy about it all. I really enjoyed my day. And I really enjoy what I do for a living.

Yesterday I helped with a training seminar for a group of people from the cruise ship industry. All the people in the group called a different country home. None of them were from the US. They were a very kind and very fun group of people to work with. The man from the Dominican Republic was telling me that his next assignment on a ship is in Venice – for three months. (green with envy I was)

Another interesting thing I noticed about the group was the way the men behaved toward each other. Unlike the macho homo phobes of these United States, the gentleman were very comfortable with each other. Touching, putting an arm around one another, these things were not unusual for them. Nor were they awkward. I was actually quite fascinated to watch them. Their interaction was very supportive, patient, and oozing camaraderie. The only way American men interact is to punch each other, get shit faced drunk, go out and kill something together, or sit on a couch and scream at a television in unison.

Now I know that not all men are like this here in the states. I get that. I really do. But I don’t think I have honestly witnessed that level of unconscious comfort between guys ever here.

Let the hate mail begin……………………

Gaining a little faith in tomorrow

Perhaps it is the concern of every generation but when I observe kids today I get a little nervous about the future. I fear we are heading toward a society of "me first" people with attention spans shorter than the time it takes the hubster to channel surf. I have noticed that the only place you see the younger generations shopping are either electronic stores or Abercrombie. I can count on one hand the number of under 30's I see in a bookstore. Ok, I understand that not everyone likes to read but I think there used to be a time when more youngsters could be found in bookstores and libraries.

The lack of kids interested in reading is not the only reason I fear for the future. I see a level of violence, and shallow personalities existing at a level unprecedented in history. Or am I just getting old and cranky?

Maybe my parents said the same about my generation? And their parents said the same about them?

But over the last few weeks a few things have happened that helped to ease my fears for the future. And that there are a few good kids out there.

First and foremost there is Tink. She's not exactly a kid but she is a young adult. She is wise beyond her years and she has an amazing gift of observation and contemplation. She is also a responsible person so much so that she owns a home. Not too many people her age do. Nor do they have such a good sense of family values. There aren't enough years between us for her to be my daughter but if she was I would be proud as punch.

Next there is my girlfriends son. Bless his heart he is a seventeen year old boy with a lovely and perfect girlfriend who wants to wait till after marriage to have sex. And he knows that she is such an amazing catch and he respects her so much that he is okay with waiting. Who does that anymore?????? This is also a young man that has found his happiness in farming and in taking care of his mom. He defends his baby sister and makes sure that no one messes with her. He is a young man with values and with his priorities straight.

Another friend of ours has three amazing children. One is heading off at the end of the month to join the coastguard. He is a boy that lives his life to his own tune and his own drummer. He is not a follower. He is not ashamed to call his dad Pappa. And to him having dinner with his family and having days reserved just for his family is ok. He is a very popular kid that hasn't had to give up his values.
He is popular in his own individuality and he would never walk over someone to get even farther. My friends daughter is much like her brother. She is a beautiful child inside and out. She too goes through life with her own private tune in her head. She is also an accomplished harpist. Her beauty and strength has boys falling over her left and right. And she accomplishes all of this just like her brother, with grace and with respect for everyone. Neither of them would EVER put someone else down to make themselves feel better. They don't have a petty bone in their body. The third child is still young but I can see in him so much of his brother that I know he too will be a marvelous adult.

Lastly I met an amazing young woman at the craft show on Saturday. She and her mother were selling candles, soap, and jewelry that they had made. They brought with them Jacob. A 16 year old orphan with Downs Syndrome. This young woman was his caretaker who had him for the week while his foster parents were on vacation. She was infinitely patient with him. And you can see that he adored her. She is in her third year of Sign Language and is teaching Jacob to communicate with her using signing. He is non-verbal so she is hoping to be able to break through with sign language. Jacob is very good at video games. She had to go out to the car to get the power pack for the DVD player. She gave him her little Nintendo game and signed to him to find the red star she needed in her Mario Bros. game. By the time she got back with the power pack he had found the star and handed the game back to her. She thanked him and got him set up with his movie. While we chatted I learned that she is attending the U of M to get a degree in Special Education. She has two other girlfriends at the U that are also learning various aspects of special education. One is going to specialize in speech therapy and one in physical therapy. Then the three girls plan to open up a school for the mentally handicapped. I honestly didn't think there were young adults out there that would have an interest in something so selfless and "unglamorous" a career goal. No hate mail please. I just don't know how else to word what they are going to do. Special Education is a very difficult field that most people prefer not to have to know about or be exposed to. Unfortunately we are a society that likes to pretend that there aren't children out there that need special help. And in a world where the car you drive, the house you live in, the clothes you wear, and the perfect children you have is the only thing that matters it's surprising to find people that still have their heads screwed on right.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that there is hope. For all the negativity in the news. For all the war, the doom, the violence, and the hate. There are little rays of hope.............

Random Newt

*Despite all the chain e-mail reminders, quotes, and songs I still forget sometimes to remember how precious life is and to focus on those things in my life. Visits with friends you miss dearly end way too quickly. And you just never know when a life will end. Maybe I should find a tattoo that will remind me daily where my focus should be. I get too swept up in things that in the end really don’t matter. Each time I am reminded I try very hard to make that my focus but then inevitably the daily hum drum of life creeps in and seems to capture too much of my attention.

*I think I have said this before but it sucks that we get to know most of our family when we are too young to appreciate them. And then by the time we are old enough to want to get to know them many are gone. I was thinking about my Uncle Mort in the shower today. I don’t know why. He died many years ago. He is buried in an old Jewish cemetery in New York. He was my favorite relative on my mom’s side. Probably because in his eyes I was perfect. While in everyone else’s eyes I was flawed, rebellious, bratty, and as one relative put it: not photogenic to the point where they won’t display my pictures. I think that was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever told me. Who says that to a little girl??????????? Anyway, my Uncle was left handed and since I was too he just adored me. I was his left-handed monkey wrench and the only other one in the family that was right in the brain. He took us to Toys R Us every year for our birthday and let us pick out anything we wanted. I don’t remember many of those trips except the one when I picked out a little black baby doll. He never said anything to me about it. Of course when we got home and I proudly showed off my new baby I overheard “Why on earth would you let her have that thing?” I didn’t understand at the time what the big deal was. I still don’t. But now I understand how ugly that particular person was/is. Of course it’s the same person that told me that I was unattractive.

My uncle remained a bachelor his entire life. I guess now I would love to know why. I don’t care why he was or why he never fell in love. Or maybe he did but he could never tell the family about it. I just wish I could talk to him again. I wish he knew that he has lived on in my heart all these years. He was and always will be very dear to me. I miss him every day.

*When we were at the wedding reception the hubster and I were talking with a cousin of the groom. She’s a beautiful and sweet woman. She’s 25 and unlike her younger siblings she is still single. But she is fine with that. She’s still waiting for “the one”. Once again the hubster left me speechless. He said to her:

“I just want to tell you that you are smart to do that. There is such a thing as love at first sight and don’t let anyone tell you differently. If you meet someone and you don’t know after a month if you want to be with them the rest of your life they aren’t the one. When I met Becca I knew in an hour that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.”

Yeah, that’s what he said. Knocks your socks off doesn’t it???? Sure did mine.

*I tried to watch the second disc of 24 from season one that had just come in the mail. I got through a little over 2 hours when the running commentary from the peanut gallery made it no longer enjoyable.

*I’m going to borrow the digital camera tonight so I can take pictures of the new kids. This morning my new little girl sat on my lap for a good ten minutes and just cuddled. It’s the longest session we have had yet!

*I had planned to make tacos for dinner tonight but I forgot to take the meat out. Dang!

*We got a hunk of the most excellent swiss cheese last week. One of the things I have not had in a long time was a slice of cheese with peanut butter on top. I forgot how really good that is.

*This coming weekend I have my first craft show. I had to skip the first one I signed up for because we had just brought the pups home and I had that bachelorette party to attend.
I’ll take some pic’s of my work and post those too.

*Last night I switched out my shoes. Sigh………………

*I can’t bring myself to switch the clothes yet.

*My dad just called to say hello. I love that so much.

*He wanted to know how Kell is enjoying The Thirteenth Tale. But Kell is out of town so I don’t know if I will find out for a while.

*Yes, I talk about my blog buddies to my dad.

*Reading Tink’s blog yesterday reminded me why I like her so much. We did the same exact thing when a little bird was trapped in a building. Well, except the hubster didn’t tell anyone that it had bird flu. I have pictures of our little rescue too. On my finger, on the ground. It was too funny to read her story about it. It was a big case of Déjà vu.
I would share pic’s but they are on the other computer.

*I’ve had three people come in to my bat cave as of late and tell me that they love it because it is so cozy and inviting.

I guess…………..I have papers and piles strewn all over the place. But whatever….

We’ll be moving three floors up early next year. I hope I can make a cozy cubicle up there too. I figure I spend enough time here I might as well love my surroundings. Dad mailed me a pink flamingo beanie baby. He sits on a water glass right next to my computer. He always makes me smile.

Thankfully Thursday

I’ve become the nosey old lady on the block

Well, someone HAS to do it right? I was just minding my own business watching Sex and the City last night (10 pm) when there was this very bright flash out the window. I didn’t think we were supposed to have a storm but ok, cool. So I look out the front window and FLASH! Only the flash was directly across the street – but very bright and very big. Ok, so maybe the neighbors house just got hit by lightening. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just a neighbor screwing around with a camera. Yep, little red dot, yep, flash, yep, it’s a camera. But why is the person crouching behind a car taking a picture of the license plate? That’s kinda odd. And now he is crouching behind another car and taking a picture of a license plate, and then another, and then another. Ok, now I’m a little spooked. What the hell is he doing? Ok, the dogs are going insane. Good, he won’t be doing anything weird at THIS house. Hmmm, now he’s going up the street, crouch, FLASH, crouch FLASH. Alright, this is too weird. Dialing 911. Tell the police that someone is doing something odd in the neighborhood. Ok, they will check it out. Description: Probably male in a tan coat. Less than 2 minutes later the cop car drives by (good response time) cop car goes up the road, cop car goes down the road. Guy of course is gone. Cop car turns corner, leaving. No sooner does cop car leave but guy in tan jacket comes out from behind a house. NOW it’s very odd. Ahh, but sneaky cops send a second patrol car down street. And cop sees weird man in tan coat. Cop stops to talk to weird man in tan coat. The other cruiser now appears on our street. And they all start talking. Then cop cars both leave. Man in tan coat is still on the street. Hmmmm, ok, so I guess he is just a weird guy that gets off taking pictures of license plates. Then phone rings: “Hello, this is Sergeant blah blah blah, Mrs. Kowalski we just wanted to let you know that the man in your neighborhood is a police officer who just joined the vice squad. He has an assignment to photograph a “crime” scene at night.” “Ok, thank you Mr. Officer for letting me know what was going on. I very much appreciate that you checked it out.” So, I hang up and head up to bed. I feel safer. And then I lay wide awake in bed thinking that I have officially become the crazy nosey neighbor. Oh well, I guess it is a right that comes with age.

Flashback

While walking the mall the other day I came across something from the way back machine. A Swatch watch store. Yeah, go figure. I thought they had gone the way of the dinosaur but apparently not. And let me tell you, they had some cool watches. And not just the jelly bands we remember. It was a lot of fun to look at all the different styles.

Next up, leg warmers and big hair. Actually, if I put a swatch on my wrist all is ok. But if I come into work with leg warmers, shoot me. PLEASE just shoot me. Same with big hair. Some things we should never go back to. Well, ok, I admit, leg warmers in Minnesota would probably be quite nice.

***Non-bookworms skip ahead****
Anxious Dad


I also picked up The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. Apparently it is a very good book. I am currently reading book three in the Cliff Janeway series by John Dunning called Bookman’s Promise. And Dad was SOOOO excited for me to read that book. But to my surprise he has called me almost twice each day to see if I have started Thirteenth Tale yet. For him to switch that excitedly from one book he really wanted me to read to a different one must mean it’s incredible. He’s not even asking me where I am in the Bookman’s Promise. Or how I like it. It’s all about the Thirteenth Tale now. I’m half tempted to stop reading the one and pick up the other. It’s been ages since he has been this excited about a book. Actually, the last time he was this excited was right after he discovered the John Dunning books. Go figure. I have had my share of nagging though too. The last one I pushed for him to read was Shantaram. And he LOVED that one. It’s not often that I walk away a changed person from reading a book. Shantaram was one of those experiences. I have talked about that book on and off since I started blogging. I have more sticky notes hanging out of that book than 3M normally supplies in a year. And every once in a while I open the book up and just read through the marked passages.

***Non-bookworms may continue the blog here: ****

Imagination – another great gift in life

With all the stimulating, simulated, and in your face technology I have to wonder how much imagination children develop today. I honestly don’t know the answer. I don’t have kids so I can’t say whether or not kids are capable of imagination these days. But I grew up in a bit of a simpler time. I’m not THAT old, we did have electricity, radio, t.v., hell, color t.v. for that matter. But we didn’t have the technology inundation kids have today. In fact it was forbidden to have a calculator in class. And all reports were done by hand or on a manual typewriter.

Where am I going with this? Well this morning I was walking across the bridge over the Mississippi to get to work and I had my Ipod tuning away in my ears. I was listening to a kick-butt “Ear Candy” mix from a friend. Anyway, as I was walking I was creating in my little noggin a music video. Ok, grant you, that is technology related. But as I was imagining dancing elephants and swirling clouds of butterflies I got to thinking about what kids can/can’t do today along those same lines.

The same thing happens when I read. With a good book I can be there, in the book. I can smell the “used book” smell. I can see row upon row of dusty shelves. Quiet midnight streets in a rural town.

So, maybe I’m not going anywhere with this thought. I guess I was just wondering. Do people still wonder?

Alright. I’ll stop now.

2 days till the hubster is home!

Cheers!