Cube Etiquette

Here are some of the things I have learned as a cube, cell, cave dweller:

1. All pathetic weepy phone conversations should be conducted on your cell phone outside the building
2. This also goes for phone calls to the police, truant officer, the courts, the parole officer
3. Even though each caller is new to whatever grand story you want to tell today your cube mates are not. STOP telling the same story over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
4. NO ONE needs to hear: I love you – no I love you more – No I love you more- No I love you more.
5. Nor do we need to hear: No you hang up first, no you, no you, no you, no you.
6. Do not try to disguise sex talk – everyone here knows what it is you are discussing and since the most disgusting and repulsive individuals tend to do this the most I can assure you this is not an image your fellow dwellers want in their heads.
7. Rule 6 applies even if you are hot. This is because as a fellow cave dweller I may be lusting after you and I would prefer my own fantasy’s about you rather than hearing about your real life.
8. If you are uneducated white trash or brown or black trash for that matter please do not talk at all. Pretty much everything that comes out of your mouth is ridiculed and repugnant.
9. Though to violate rule 8 does give the rest of us water cooler talk for weeks
10. If you are on your third, fourth, or fifth marriage, have children scattered throughout the previous wreckage points, and are now only interested in the 18 year old you are boffing and planning on marrying – STFU! We really don’t want to hear abut it.
11. This also goes for stupid women who give up their children, neglect them, and pawn them off on relatives so as to engage in skanky ho relations with gross blechy men.
12. And for those who fall into #11 we really DON”T want the details of your love life or pending marriage. Trust me, we are all disgusted.
13. For those who fall into #11 and #12 see rule 8.
14. Do not come to work with a hicky especially if you fall into #10 or 11.