The Crush

Steve was my first real crush. He would sometimes cross my path while I was going from one building to another on our high school campus. I admired him from afar because I was too shy to say anything. Then one day he held the door open for me. While passing him I made eye contact, mumbled a hello and skittered on my way. He was a senior and I was just a sophomore.

I don't even remember when it happened but at some point I got brave enough to talk to him in the hall. We talked more and more. But never went out on a date. It's odd that I can't remember any details about how we got to know each other.

But then the school year ended and he went off to join the Navy. He had my address and promised to write but I didn't think I would ever hear from him.

And then on some random day months later I got off the school bus and it popped into my head that Steve had written me a letter. I raced home. Skidded to the mail box and opened it up. And sure as shit there was a letter from Steve. I think I stopped breathing at that point. The letter was sweet. He told me all about training and what he was doing. And that he missed me and thought about me.

I would get three more letters from him. And spooky as it was I knew each time one arrived. It was the oddest feeling I think I have ever had. I could go weeks without thinking about him and then suddenly I would NEED to get to the mail box. And sure enough there was always a letter.

Summer came and I was hanging out with friends. I had been assigned to be a buddy for a new student at school. We hit it off and I went over to her house to help her unpack and to meet her family. While we were there a woman came to the doorstep to welcome the new family and bring them some cookies she had made. She introduced herself and talked about her family.

She just happened to be Steve's mother. I asked her how he was and she told me he was home on leave but would soon be heading back.

It broke my heart to find out that he had been home and hadn't let me know. I didn't call him or anything. I just let it go.

I don't regret that decision. After all you can't make someone care about you. But I have never forgotten him. I can still see him clearly in my mind walking a little ahead of me to class not knowing that behind him walked a shy girl that would have lived and died for him.

I also have never been able to explain the connection I seemed to have to him. It really flipped me out at the time that I knew when his letters were in the mail. And then opening a door to have his mother standing in front of me was the icing on the weird-shit-o-meter cake called life.

This little memory is what popped into my head after reading Tink's Diary post. So I thought I would share.