WWC and The Answers from the Realm of Newt

Triangle

Envy

I know you envy me for my cute sheep slippers

And this is at the Cupcake coffee shop. Any ideas why they would put the leg of a doll on the counter?

There once was an internet princess named Newt. She lived in the kingdom of Camelog with many wonderful people. One day there was a terrible storm, it was so cold and windy that the people all gathered together in the great hall. The good King Jay saw to it that a great fire was built in the hearth. And all the lords and ladies gathered round to share stories and mead.

After many pints of mead and many stories the great Jester REH challenged everyone in the kingdom to ask him questions that he would answer truthfully and honestly. And if he dared to not answer the good King Jay made sure that the armory doors were open to all. Oh, that night our darling Jester REH answered them all.

And then, in her tipsy slovenly, yet cute way the princess Newt scrambled up on the table and said,

"My Turn, My Turn ask me, only, you can't use the pointy thingys to get me to answer you."

*hiccup*

"Instead, I'll let you take a pair of shoes away," she says as she sways dangerously on the table, "and you all know" *hiccup* "how important the shoeses are to me"

"So ask away"

And the first to shout out questions was the princess Kell:

"If you could go back in time, what time period would you go to and who would you want to meet there?"

"Well," says the still swaying Newt, "I would go back to the Renaissance period and I would want to meet Michelangelo - and if I lucked out his sometimes friend and sometimes rival Leonardo would be with him." *hiccup* "and I'm not talking about that pathetic boat boy, I'm talking about the real Leonardo!"

but the good princess is not done, she has more questions to toss out to the dangerously swaying Newt:

"If there, heaven forbid, was some disaster and you could only grab 2 pairs of shoes, which 2 would grab?"

The princess stares at Kell horrified,

"Just two? Just two? Oh my gosh, oh my goodness, my kingdom for more than two."

At this, the princess plops down on the table, much to everyone's relief

"Well, if I had to just pick two, I would pick my black pumps with the flowers painted on them and I would probably pick the black and pink Mudd sandals that I live in in summer. That way I cover the comfort and the stunning good looks."

Now that the princess is in a much safer sitting and swaying position the lady Kell feels safe to ask yet one more:

"What was your favorite date with your hubby?"

The princess blushes at this question. She turns redder than she was before. And she says,

"Oh, that would have to be our first official date. We went to the kingdom of San Francisco after my coach picked him up at the air balloon station. We ate at my favorite tavern, Calzones and then had coffee and dessert at the Italian coffee house across the street. We danced in the street with the street musicians, and then headed back to the bed and breakfast inn he had surprised me with earlier. Not only was it perfect in every sense of the word as far as dates go, but also, this huge spark had ignited between us the first time we met. And a couple weeks later for our second meeting it was amazing to know that the spark was still red hot and real."

The lovely princess Kell seems content and a little too buzzed to ask another question so the good King Jay bellows out his questions:

"What is the best book you've ever read?"

The good princess smiles and says: "That would have to be In the Electric Mist with Confederate Dead by James Lee Burke. That was the book that started my romance with the author and his amazing characters and writing."

"But" the princess says as she takes another swig of Mead, "But, I have very fond memories of A Separate Peace because it was the first time I learned that books could move your soul. And that was an amazing moment and probably when I fell completely and totally in love with reading."

The good King seem satisfied with the answer and just as the princess takes another sip of mead he bellows out his next question:

"What is the best movie you've ever seen"

The princess looks perplexed, but then the good Jester REH whispers in her ear "He means moving pictures"

"Oh," the princess giggles "That would have to be Star Wars."



The king sits back quiet and content, his queen upon his knee, and beckons to his loyal advisor and barrister Karen

She oh so elegantly puts down her tankard of mead and asks the princess:

"How did you meet your husband?"

Princess Newt blushes deeply, giggles, sways, and says:

"Well, we met at a wedding in the Kingdom of Vegas. For you see, I had traveled with my Lady in Waiting from my homeland of California. And he, my darling prince, along with his freind and armorer Boy J had ridden from the frozen land known as Minnesota. After the wedding ceremony we spent the night exploring the villages around Vegas. He was kind to me, his eyes were twinkling in the moon light, and I knew that some day he would be my prince truly."

The beautiful barrister is not quite finished, one more question while she waits for her tankard of mead to be filled:

"Are you planning another tattoo? Of what and where?"

The princess leans closely toward the barrister, she looks around conspiratorially, and then whispers (rather loudly mind you, she is drunk)

"Well, I was just telling my darling prince that I think I am done getting inked, but he told me that you can never have too much ink. And, he's probably right. But for now I have no inspirations or ideas so I have to say that I am done."

Newt giggles some more and leans closer to the barrister

"But, if I had to get one tomorrow, I would have a daisy put along my bikini line."

Newt then giggles uncontrollably almost rolling off the table.

As Princess Newt is giggling, the lovely tavern owner Christy brings the barrister her mead and asks the princess:

"Did you ever have a vivid dream that when you woke up you thought it really happened? What was it?"

"Oh my gosh," says the princess, "I once had a dream that when I woke up I truly and deeply wished it were real."

And the Princess straightens her gown and sits up a little straighter and continues:

"It was very strange, the world had actually blown up, but I was with a group of children as well as a young man my same age. For whatever reason we were safe in a furniture store. When the world had finished exploding all of us climbed on the roof of the store and looked out at the most brilliant sunrise I have ever seen. And the wind was softly blowing our hair, the young guy took my hand and we stood there, with the children, and we knew that everything was going to be all right."

(author note, ok, now, I know that seems very strange, and you are probably wondering why I wished it were true, but while I was dreaming, it was the most peaceful, beautiful feeling. I cant really describe it. But I was almost crying when I woke up to discover it wasn't real)

The beautiful tavern owner slides the mead a little farther away from the princess and, though shaken, asks another question:

"And what do you mean they drive on the shoulder?"

The princess looks around for her mead, shrugs, and then says, "Well, it's the strangest thing, they don't have turn lanes, so you use the shoulder when you need to turn your carriage onto a road on the right. But apparently in the kingdom of Austin that translates to a third lane for the entire trip. And not only that, but we watched several carriages then use the dirt as another lane. So, you have people driving their coaches in the two normal lanes, the shoulder, and in the dirt, it is a very very strange kingdom, you would think they would fear getting the carriage stuck in the ruts or worse, get a cactus thorn in their horses hoof"

Seemingly satisfied the beautiful tavern keeper Christy heads off to pour some more mead. The Princess Newt finally spots her tankard hidden behind the oil lamp and takes a deep drink.

The next question comes from the King of the Dessert, King Joel. He asks the princess:

"Well, How many Countries you've visited and which do you like the best? "

The princess blushes, "Well, my good King, I have not traveled to many distant lands. But I have been to the lands called Canada, Mexico, and Germany. All of which I loved but for completely different reasons. I hope to add Belgium and even maybe Italy to my list before the end of the year. My great dream is to see the kingdom of Florence in the land of Italy. And the prince and I plan to spend our tenth anniversary in the land called New Zealand."

The Good King Joel bows regally and thanks the lady for her answer.

The next question is shouted by Mike from the kitchen, he is the Princesses good friend and cohort, as well as maker of many luscious meals:

"If you had to pick one author or actor to accompany you on a cross country road trip, who would it be?"

The princess looks slightly stumped and stalls by slugging back the rest of the mead then looking around for a fresh and full pint.

She staggers from place to place till she suddenly spys an unguarded tankard of mead, snatches it up and then goes back to her spot on the table.

"Well, cooky, I guess if I could travel cross country with anyone it would have to be Nigella Lawson. She's funny, she loves to eat, and she's just girly girl enough to be a blast but not high maintenance. So I know that we would have a great time, she would stop and eat at all kinds of quirky places with me, and I know she would be game for finding the best truck stop pie in the country."

But of course Mike isn't done, he has another question to shout from the kitchen and what else would the cook ask?

"What is your all-time favorite food?"

While contemplating answering "Mead silly", the princess looks up and finally says: "Well, I guess that would have to be Hamburger, shake and fries."

Newt thought that would make Mike go back to the kitchen in horror and disappointment but he still had one more question:

"is there any song or movie that you secretly love, but would be embarrassed for us to find out? What is it?"

Newt looks around, takes a deep drink, and says: "I would do anything for love by Meatloaf." and then the princess looks at everyone, their eyes glassy, their smiles lopsided, and she hopes and prays that no one remembers that she just said that.

And then, because he is so good at distraction and making people forget the horrors of life, or in this case, confessions, the good Jester REH steps up on the table, does a flip in the air, lands on his hands, and starts to juggle empty tankards with his feet, all the time rattling off questions to the princess:

"Blond, Brunette or Redhead?"

Princess Newt, watching, head bobbing to the rhythm of his feet answers quickly:

"Tall DARK and handsome"

"What is the best thing about where you live?"

"The quality of life"

"What is the worst thing about where you live?"

"The fact that it was 30 below this morning with wind chills toward -45"

"Will you be my blogger princess?"

At this the princess seems to snap out of the hypnotic movement of his juggling, she looks at the sweet Jester, and whispers "Yes, of course I'll be your blogger princess"

And the tankards go higher, and faster, and faster, and
higher........................

And several people start to play instruments, and music fills the air, and the ever beautiful and charming Lady Tory steps daintily up on a chair and says:

"What person, living or dead, would you most like to have a conversation with?"

The princess frowns and thinks deeply for a moment, and finally says: "God because it would either be the most interesting conversation in the history of conversations or dead silence."

And then, in her beautiful voice she asks:

"What would you consider to be your 'life motto'? or words to live by."

Two deep swigs of Mead and a few moments of thought lead the princess to say this: "42"

and after she can hear crickets because even the musicians are so confused they stopped playing, she says:

"Ok, ok, how about this: Always give your significant other a kiss and say I love you before either of you have to leave. Even if all they are going to do is go out and mow the lawn."

With that answer the crowd seems happy again, the music starts back up, and the lady Tory continues her questions.

"Hubster - boxers or briefs??"

Princess Newt blushes deeper than ever and says, quietly "Briefs, but he drives me crazy when he wears boxer briefs."

and the lady asks another question:

"Happiest moment?"

Newt takes a deep breath and says, with a big smile on her face: "My wedding day."

and the lady still has more:

"Saddest moment?"

Newt drinks a little more mead, slumps a little, and says:

"When my Aunt called to tell me my Uncle had a heart attack. It was the first time in my life I was faced with the idea that my family wasn't immortal."

(author note: my uncle was ok, but it was a definitive moment in my life and I was forced to deal for the first time with the idea that some day, those I love most in this world will die.)

Though the crowd has become more somber, the Lady Tory, as she is so well known to do, brings the mood back up with another question:

"Shoes or Hubster, you can only pick one! (I know, I'm mean today!!)"

Princess Newt looks down at her beautiful red plaid peek-a-boo shoes that she loves so much, and then over at her charming Prince Hubster who is arguing with the village idiot and then looks back at her beautiful shoes, and then at the prince again, as he swears up a storm over the value of currency, and then back at her shoes, and then back at the prince as he continues to argue with the doorpost now that the village idiot has run away, and she contemplates.

And she looks up at the good Lady Tory and finally answers:

"The hubster"

And then Princess Newt takes a long deep drink.........................

And then, the great chef Mike comes out with a huge platter of pork roast with new potatoes and freshly picked vegetables, and just, to set the mood, he asks one more question of the princess:

"What do you think is the most abject form of human suffering?"

The princess looks at him a little blurry eyed, and thinks for a moment. And then thinks for a few minutes more,

"Hmmm," she says "I would have to say religious and political fanatasism."

And with that she picks off some of the tasty dark spots on the roast and happily chews on the succulent meat.

And then, from a quiet corner steps the armorer, Boy J and he asks the princess:

"Do you obey the law because its the right thing to do, or for fear of being caught?"

The princess, somewhat occupied by some hair that has fallen in her face, blows at her bangs, and then looks at Boy J and says,

"Well, I guess, for the most part, I obey the laws because its the right thing to do. And that's the truth, honest. Can you imagine if everyone thought they had the right of way? Carriages would never move again."

Boy J seems satisfied, he grabs another pint and heads back to his warm, quiet corner.

And then, suddenly, the door opens, and along with cold wind and snow come two women, both dressed in fantastic winter dress. Both, with boots made of a fake fur so soft you want to do nothing but pet them all day. The women are sleek, sexy, and full of confidence.

Princess Newt smiles, stands, and says,

"Welcome, my friends, please come, join us. Has the cold weather shut down even your fair establishment?"

"Well," the lovely shoe whore says, "It was a bit quiet and we heard that there was fun to be had up at the castle, not to mention free mead."

And the great jester REH speaks, "Ladies, we were just asking the princess questions, questions about anything, go ahead, ask her."

The shoe whore gets a wicked smile on her face.

"Well, then, tell us, did you ever get any?"

And the princess blushes, and says, "well, as a matter of fact, this very morning."

The shoe whore smiles and then asks:

"Who's your bestest friend in the whole wide world?"

And the princess says, without hesitation: "The hubster. " "But as for girlfriends, that would be BFFM."

And then Newt winks at the shoe whore.

But the shoe whore has one more as she pulls from under her cape a tiny black creature.

"Will you take the spawn from 2/26 - 3/1?"

The princess starts to pout, "I can't, I'm going to be in the kingdom of Austin. I'm sorry"

And then, steps forward the beautiful and feisty Tink. She looks around the room and gets a devilish grin on her face,

"What kind of underwear are you wearing right this very moment?"

The princess, now quite drunk says, "I don't know, why don't you check and see"

And with that she flips up her skirts to reveal a sexy black thong from VS.

And several of the revelers run screaming from the room with the words "My Eyes! MY Eyes!" echoing in their wake.

Princess Newt shrugs, straightens her skirts and looks at Tink.

"What's your strangest habit?"

Newt has to ponder for a while on this one. And after several sips of mead finally answers:

"Well, I chew on my lip a lot. And I can't go to sleep unless the closet door is closed, you know, closet monsters."

Tink doesn't seem very impressed so she asks one more question:

"If you could jump into a hobby and be perfect at it right away, what hobby would you choose?"

"Oh, that's easy, I would play the Oboe."

And with that final answer the room grows quiet.

"Well," Newt says, "who wants to be next?"